Is Enabling a form of addiction?
Coming from an addicts back ground were sober now from cocaine and PCP along with Acid. Looking back it seems like another life, the urge to get high is not there any more for me. We are going back a long time, let say in the seventies when I thought I was indestructible.
Well here it is 2013 now and I have found my self addicted again, this time it is a new drug. The drug of choice for me now is define in one word,hero you know Mr. nice guy, understanding because after all you were in their shoes at one point in life.
If your like me I am here to tell you, watch out! You can find yourself addicted to enabling! You know their pain and suffering and can relate, but it is their battle not yours. I found myself meeting this young lady along with, “her man” as she would claim were both addicts, and guess what, I got involved!
You see he was very abusive towards her and was lock up in jail, so I asked if she wanted to stay with us, she said “sure”. She was young and beautiful we hit it off right away, I found myself puzzled because why did this young lady take this abuse?
Later now I understand what the drugs have done to this beautiful lady self-esteem and mind games that he also played on her. I found myself putting her on a pedestal to boost her self-esteem. Man she sure blushed a lot and really was very attractive while doing this.
So when she was with me she still needed her drugs to be met every day. She would go out with me and we would at that time hustle people for gas which in turned into money for the drugs.
When that stop which was for only a couple of weeks, well you know, her man was in jail she had to turn tricks which really broke my heart and bothered me! It actually kept me up at nights without sleep!
Bingo, I found myself addicted to her company, companionship it’s rather safe to say I was falling for her which at this time full-out in love! I found myself giving her money because I did not want her to sell herself. (Why she does not love herself)?
I would give it to her all, empty my wallet, visit her in jail, stayed homeless for her just so I can be close by, man I was worst off now I believe. She got to a point were she told me she felt bad about me being out at the Pike to be close by. But no, Love and enabling is an addictive behavior!
Do I really love her, or was it lust? When I still think of her even as I write this I have nothing but good vibes about her, never any regrets only wishing the best towards her battle with this disease.
Now She ran off with this john who is a trucker that she met. He lured her with pills and now she is out of my life for now! Life’s lesson, I still love her, there is more to it then I wrote because she also love me and I know this to be true, but at what capacity was her love?
For does she even really love herself? This evil disease controlling her mind, hurting herself and anyone she is close to along with her family, which I have come to talk with while she was in jail.
I have not talk with them since, for I now know just some of the pain they all go though with her. If they call me I will not lie but just let them know that I do care and have not heard from her.
I have come to this understanding or belief that I somehow have fallen into the same category as her family. The true, the selfish side of me hates this, but in reality in the long run it is one of the greatest compliment this young lady can do for me.
If my friend, who I nick name Angel Face does call me and want’s to pick up were we left off find, but it will be different, for I do want to truly help and deep down she does know this and she wont come back until she is ready for that true change that needs for the road towards recovery to begin.
This new john she is with wont let her talk to me, when I did tried to contact her through text, he claimed I was a “scum bag and everyone in Florida wanted her on drugs and that I also was leaching off of her misfortune”. I ask him if “she is seeing any doctors”? He said “she don’t need any and she is fine and not to call back or text again, and that he won”! Well if she is trying to detox then she does need the proper medical attention along following it up with physiological stress management with goals set in place to help her to feel a purpose for her life.
I personally believe she is just using this john for what he is and he is just treating her as his personal whore. He has got her under his thumb with him on his truck route living out of it for now. Time always bring out the truth. Maybe she needs this kind of treatment to see were her life is heading?
I’m getting away a bit from the intent of this article, sorry. So from my experience I do believe enabling the knight in shinning armor syndrome is an addiction! And if so how or some way if Angel Face does come back into my life, please say a prayer for me right now that I will have the strength to say “NO”!
So can I do this? Well I believe the answer is yes, because she knows where are relationship is at and that in order for it to move forward if she wants will have to begin with recovery and Gods help. With out her not really wanting to help herself I don’t see her coming back for it does eat at her.
You see what I have learned as my relationship grew with Angel Face is, if you love her, say no! No to giving her money but yes towards encouragement towards any forms of recovery.
Please feel free if you wish to comment below we always look forward to your feedback, God bless 🙂