Sharing My Day……
Today I thought I would just write about myself and the state of mind I am in. Like all addicts even though I have been sober for a while now I also get depressed. Unusually I want to give back and to encourage my readers but today it just seems like it is not in me, sorry.
Life has got me beaten down bad now and I do recognize this and have been here before, for what ever this is worth, thank you for reading and putting up with this negative thoughts my mind is currently circulating.
Being idle is not a good thing at all for none of us, let along a addict that is trying to recover. I’m at a crossroad in my life and there is pain were it splits off! Pain not only for myself but for someone I will still always care for and love, just not in love with her anymore! What makes it so hard is the time we have been together is over 20 years, you would think maybe it could go back to what we use to have but I can’t, (and I hate that word)!
I still have a strong responsibility for her well being and for sometime I have not been doing this! The world is changing and I have in the past shared this with her but she just don’t see it and thinks it is me! This hurts and she has lost respect with me and has lost her mind it seems she can’t even do simple things anymore like she use to.
Right at this moment believe it or not I am waiting for a transfer of the global financial system to sift! Once this happens I will be set as far as resources, I will have enough wealth to position myself so I can take care of her but still be able to go my own way in life and my passions!
I find myself for about two years now riding a fence between two women, this is what my friend Angel Face calls it. And she also told me “and nobody is happy,” and boy is she ever right. I ask here while I visit her in jail about this if she ever loved more than one man and she replied by saying, “ yes, and it don’t end to happy Robert!”
I guess what I trying to say here is she right and I made the wrong choice, at least that is what my heart is telling me. She has moved on with this trucker for all she wants out of life is for someone to take care of her. It is her life and battle with her addictions and this does help me out to get were I need to be in life not only to help other but myself.
This one of the many reasons why I have started this blog, first it is good therapy for myself, and second it is hopefully another way to share and give back my past experiences to let others know too not to believe in the lies of addiction. Yes you can overcome it and yes it will take time, ask your self this, how long did it take to get were you are? Well sobriety is worth the battle my friends!
All the men that have abuse my friend Angel Face, yes they were bad but what is worse is what’s controlling her and that is her addiction! You know when I first meet her, her old man and her would have this con at all the gas stations. It would be like they were out of gas and she needed to go down to Miami to see her mother in the hospital. Needless to say I see her as a real damsel in distress with these men extorting for sex money and drugs!
Back to the point if she can beat this cycle of addiction then she would be able to think and see more clearly, until then I can do nothing but pray for her recovery and safety! My new friend Doc always ask me, “why do you care so much?” I said it is just the way I’m wired, and he reply’s that, “it is my Greek heritage.” so that’s his belief!
So I would like to thank you for your time and to listen to my little rant about my personal life for the time being, I might be down but not out, God Speed and Peace 🙂